I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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