if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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