i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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