Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
