You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
