Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
