it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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