Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
