If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
