I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
