i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
