i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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