Jerry, you need to find god
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
