Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
