I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
