no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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