at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
