textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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