Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
