Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
