So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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