Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
