I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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