does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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