Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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