I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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