Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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