I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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