I want to have your abortion
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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