i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
