I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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