:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
