I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
