I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
