I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
