You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
