And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
