Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just gargled with NyQuil
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
