maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
