I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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