So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
