All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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