if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize