I can tuck mytits in my pants
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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