I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
