life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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