You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
