So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
