Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
