fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We got so high we made milksteak
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
