HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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