I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
