You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
