Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize