so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
