new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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