well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
