I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
