you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
