I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
