I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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