Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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