Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
