I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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