Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
