Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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