What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
