he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
