What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
bring money and cleavage
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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