I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
