Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
