She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think i have herpe
just one?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
