Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
