A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize