If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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