If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
