well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
