The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
