She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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