when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
