But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
