I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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