Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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