I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
