I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
