You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
