it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
