Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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