i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
