Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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