im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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