I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
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I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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