yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i think my cat just said my name.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
