dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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