I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
