one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
