I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
