JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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